Miss Missing You
by ambrosesaysnope
Summary: Blowing out a breath, Ryan just shook her head. "I do love you, John." She whispered, holding back her tears. "We're going to have the same argument over and over again. I'm not going to change my mind and neither are you. If we keep this up, we're just going to become miserable. The last thing I would want is for us to be in an unhappy relationship and grow to hate each other."
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I only own Ryan.

A/N: Yay for new story ideas! Enjoy. Review.

* * *

"I don't know why this is coming as such a surprise to you." John said, following her across the room. "You knew from the get go that I didn't want any of that. I was married once and it didn't work out. I'm not going through the paranoia of it not working out again. That's too much heartache for me deal with."

"Spare me the bullshit heartache speech." Ryan said, moving over to the dresser and pulling the drawer open. "Losing money is what you're worried about."

John walked over to her and turned her to face him. His hands gripped her shoulders as he leveled his eyes with hers. "Money is not the issue here. I love you, Ryan. I told you from the get go that marriage is not what I wanted. I don't want kids either. With my schedule, I wouldn't be around enough for me to develop a relationship with my child. They would grow up resenting me and that's not something I want to face."

"Of course not. Anything that challenges you beyond work it too hard for you to handle." She pulled out his grasp and turned her back on him. "If it doesn't concern wrestling or any of the other million things you do, you don't want to do it. You're over thirty, John. It's time for you to grow up."

Her last comment hung in the air as she hurriedly grabbed her things and held them in her arms. Pushing the dresser drawer closed with her hip, she walked towards the bed and dropped the now, messy pile of clothes on the bed. Without missing a beat she moved to the closet and pulled her suitcase.

"I need to grow up how?" John asked, now curious. "What is that I need to do? Because last I checked getting married and having kids doesn't mean you're grown up or that you're this mature adult. It isn't the only thing that life is about."

"You're right, it isn't." She muttered, starting to throw her things into her suitcase. "But, my problem lies in the fact that you're waiting for this to fail. You're waiting for something to happen so that you can run to the first ring rat or porn star that you see."

"You knew how I was _before_ we started dating." John sat on the edge of the bed. "When we got serious I stopped. When I saw that we were starting to get serious, I told you how I felt. _You_, Ryan, made the choice to pursue the relationship. You said it was fine and that as long as we were together that it didn't matter. Did you think that something would magically change?"

"I don't know what I thought." Ryan sighed. "Part of me thought something would change between us. That you would wake up one morning and realize that you wanted something else out of your life. Another part of me knew that it was a waste of time dreaming it up. That didn't stop me from thinking it."

"I stand by what I said." John replied, getting up to his feet. "We can try work it out, babe. You don't have to leave. I love you and I don't want to lose our relationship over this."

Blowing out a breath, Ryan just shook her head. "I do love you, John." She whispered, holding back her tears. "We're going to have the same argument over and over again. I'm not going to change my mind and neither are you. If we keep this up, we're just going to become miserable. The last thing I would want is for us to be in an unhappy relationship and grow to hate each other."

"That's it?" He questioned. "You don't get your way and you're going to up and leave. There isn't going to be any chance for us to salvage what we have?"

She regretfully shook her head. "I thought I could live the rest of my life with you, just like this. Us and no kids. But I really can't. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and my career is starting to near it's end. Everything that I've set out to do has been done. I'm ready for the next step of my life and that includes marriage and a family."

He nodded his head. "I'm sorry."

Ryan didn't acknowledge is apology. She just went about packing her things while John left the room. When he was gone, she allowed the tears to flow freely. It was over for good and nothing would ever change that. She knew she wouldn't change her mind and John wouldn't budge either. Why prolong the inevitable?

"I'm sorry." She whispered, looking around the room. "It just wouldn't work."

Ryan picked up her duffle bag and then grabbed her suitcase. Taking one more look around, she exited the room and started out into the hallway, only to be stopped by John.

"This is real?"

She stood in front of him, her things in hand. "It's over."

* * *

Opening the door, he took a step back in shock to see her, with her things in tow, standing before him. He just stood there, unsure of what could have happened.

"Wanna have a sleepover?" Ryan weakly joked.

"Come in." He stepped aside. "Leave your stuff by the door."

"Thanks." Ryan whispered, walking past him.

Running a hand over his face, he walked further into the room and watched as Ryan sank down onto the bed. In the years he had known her, he had never seen her look so defeated. She looked ready to throw in the towel and walk away.

"What happened tonight?" He asked, sitting in the opposite bed.

For a long moment, Ryan didn't utter a single syllable. Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, as if there were something interesting painted up there. Her thoughts were stuck on the fact that she ended things with John.

"I ended it with John." Ryan finally broke the silence. "I couldn't be with him anymore. I've been thinking a lot lately and I do want to get married, I do want to have kids. I love John, but..I just can't go on feeling like our relationship would never go anywhere."

Punk got up and gently pulled Ryan up to her feet. Engulfing her in a hug, he held her tightly. "Just give him a few days and then go talk to him." He pulled away from her. "Things were probably said that neither of you meant. You guys have to hear each other out."

"It's over, Punk." She moved away from him and sat on the edge of the bed. "Don't get me wrong, I love him and wish there was a way around it all, but there isn't. We have nothing more to say on the matter. Neither of us is going to change their mind. Why stay in something I don't think is going to go beyond further than what we have? John and I are only going to be miserable in the end. No point in us dragging it out until we hate each other."

Punk nodded his head. "Understandable." He sat down next to her as took her hand in his. "If you ever need me for anything, I'm here."

"Thank you." Ryan rested her head on his shoulder. "I wish it didn't have to be like this."

"You saw no other way for things to go, so you did what you thought best." Punk told her, gently squeezing her hand for reassurance. "As the days go on, it will be easier."

"Punk, you're the last person I would expect to spew out cliches." Ryan slightly laughed. "It's never going to get easier. Even if John and I are done. Believe me, I know."

"I know you're upset about the breakup and all, but you'll get over it Ryan."

Ryan wiped away a few tears that had manage to escape from her eyes. Releasing a shaky breath, the brunette shook her head. Just to make sure that Punk was still there, she squeezed his hand. Knowing that he was still there and listening to her made her feel a lot better and less alone.

"I'm pregnant."

Punk released her hand and shifted slightly to get a better look at Ryan. He couldn't help the laugh of disbelief that escaped from between his lips. Holding his look of disbelief, he just shook his head.

"What?" He asked, smiling stupidly.

"I'm pregnant." Ryan told him again. "Before you say anything, I didn't do this on purpose, to trap him, or any bullshit like that. It was just something that happened. I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant and that's when I started thinking about all of this. I thought about what to do and found that I wanted to keep the baby. My next step was telling John and I could never find the chance. Tonight I finally decided to tell him. It started with us having kids and getting married, having the life that registered itself in my head. The more I fell in love with the idea, the more I wanted it to happen. Everything got derailed when we started arguing."

"You didn't tell him, then?"

"I couldn't, Punk. When I saw how he reacted, I knew he wouldn't want anything to do with it."

For once, Punk had nothing to say. He understood both sides, but at the same time, he really couldn't give out any advice on the situation.

"Do you plan on telling him?"

"I want to." Ryan admitted. "I doubt it will happen. He's so adamant about what he wants and doesn't want, I don't want to ruin it for him."

"What about you?" He asked.

"I'm going to raise the baby on my own."

* * *

A/N: SOOOOO.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I only own Ryan.

A/N: A HUGE thank you to everyone following the story, I love you all! I'm back with another update for you guys! Enjoy. Review.

* * *

_Eleven missed calls. Six voicemails. Twenty text messages._

All of those went unanswered as Ryan stared at her phone. When she ended it with him, she had ended it for good. They each wanted different things and she wasn't going to force him to raise the baby. Their argument before the breakup replayed in her mind as she toyed with the decision to not tell him.

"You're going to have to talk to him eventually." Punk said, breaking into her thoughts. "I'm sure he's going to notice when you're not here anymore and everyone is talking about your pregnancy."

Setting her phone in the cup holder, Ryan let out a sigh before slouching in the passenger seat. The thought had crossed her mind and it infuriated her to no end. John, by no means, was an idiot. He would no doubt put two and two together and confront her about. It was a confrontation she could do without. Especially, should he demand to know why _she_ didn't put a stop to it.

"I know you aren't thrilled about leaving and dealing with the breakup, but he should at least know."

"Part of me agrees with you. I know you're right." Ryan admitted. "My telling him isn't going to change things. John isn't going to change his mind just because I'm pregnant. He'll think I did it on purpose and resent me for it."

"Better he resent you for that than to hate you for not being up front with him."

"I'm going to take this a step at a time." She finally said. "Let me get past talking to Hunter and Stephanie and getting my release. When that's done with, then I'll _seriously_ consider breaking the news to John."

Punk glanced at her for a second before focusing on the road again. Frowning, he just shrugged. "If you say so. Just don't stress yourself out too much. Please?"

"Too late for that." Ryan muttered.

"Don't stress yourself any further." He said as he pulled up in front of the hotel. "Get your pregnant butt inside and I'll get the bags."

"I'm pregnant, Punk." She answered, visibly annoyed. "Not handicapped. I can carry my own stuff into the hotel."

"I don't give a fuck." He smiled. "Meet me in the lobby and I'll be in a few minutes."

Seeing there was no use in taking the conversation any further, Ryan unbuckled her seatbelt and got out the car, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Those fucking hormones are already hitting her." Punk mumbled, then started looking for a parking spot.

Five minutes later, Punk sauntered into the lobby and nodded towards Ryan to meet him at the front desk. Once they were checked in, they headed up to their floor to get settled in for the day.

"Are you sure you want me to room with you?" She asked. "I can always get my own room and not annoy you with my problems."

"I want you here with me." He said, falling onto the bed. "It's the only way I know that you'll be fine."

"This is only going to last for so long."

"Then I'll call you everyday and face chat with you." Punk said, propping himself on his elbows to look at her. "Days that I have off, I'll come and visit you. You'll get sick of me eventually."

"I think I already am." Ryan teased.

Punk sarcastically laughed, shaking his head from side to side. "You say that now, but sooner or later, that won't be the case. Let's go get you something to eat." He changed the subject. "You haven't eaten since we left for here this morning and it's pushing half past two now."

"I can't eat right now. If I do I'll throw it back up."

"Morning sickness, get used to it." He rose from the bed and walked over to her, grabbing her hand. "Let's go. I'd rather you eat and get morning sickness than starve yourself and the baby."

Allowing herself to be pulled out of the room, Ryan followed him down the hall and to the closest diner. After all, he was right. Getting herself sick wasn't the way to go about it. She couldn't think of just herself anymore.

* * *

Ryan fiddled with her hands as she stood in front of the door. Her nerves getting the best of her the longer she stood in front of the locker room, repeatedly rereading the threatening nameplate pasted on the door. With a small sigh, she finally dropped one hand down to her side, while her other one balled into a fist and knocked.

For a long moment, nothing happened. No answer came from the other side of the door, no movement can be heard from the inside. Everything around her seemed to stand still as she scanned over the sign on the door again; _The Authority_.

"They're not in there if you're looking for them."

Ryan jumped at the sound of the voice. Clutching her heart, she whipped around to glare at him.

"_You_ would know where they are." Ryan bit back, then started past him.

"We need to talk." He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. "I've been trying to talk to you all day and you've done nothing but ignore me."

"Everything that had to be said was said, John." Ryan tried to break free from his grip. "Can't you just leave it at that?"

"No." He said, releasing her. "I'm not going to leave it at that. Not after everything we've been through. I love you too much to let you go because of something so trivial."

"Trivial? My wanting to settle down and have a family is trivial?" She asked, incredulously. "Forgetting to turn the lights off is trivial. Losing a t-shirt is trivial. What I want to do with the rest of my life? No way, uh-uh, not trivial."

"I get that you're upset about it all, but can't we talk about it before you completely shut me out?" John wondered, leveling his eyes with hers. "Please? I don't want to lose you."

Her hand reached up and cupped the side of his face, her thumb gently tracing his lower lip. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

John pulled away from Ryan, shaking his head, his blue eyes burning with anger. "If I wanted exactly what you want, then we wouldn't be here! Because you're hearing what you don't want to hear, you're ready to run."

"This _is_ exactly why I decided to end it!" Ryan shouted, her fists clenched at her sides. "Because it would eventually come to this! I don't want us to walk away from everything hating each other."

John sarcastically laughed as he adjusted his baseball cap. "That's your main concern here? Do you not care at all that you're being selfish? All you're doing is thinking about yourself and not giving a damn about me! About us and what we could have."

"I love you." Ryan sighed. "Don't ever doubt that I don't for one minute. But you and I are on different sides of the spectrum."

"We can have everything if you would just forget about getting married and having kids." John grabbed her by the shoulders and slightly shook her. "If you would just drop that idea, then we can be happy together. Isn't that enough? Aren't I enough for you?"

"You are." Ryan blinked back some tears. "But I would go on living as if something was missing and it would drive me insane. Not in the sense that I don't know what's missing, but in the sense I know what is missing and I can't do anything about it. I would love nothing more than to grow old with you and watch our grandkids playing in the yard. But we can't have that because you're afraid and I can't live with that part of my life not happening."

"I'm not afraid." His fingernails dug into her shoulders.

"John." Ryan winced in pain. "Let go of me."

"No!"

"You have to!" She managed to break free. "It's done."

From the corner of her eye, she spotted Hunter and Stephanie walking down the hall towards them. Looking at John for a brief moment, she shook her head, before turning her full attention towards her bosses.

"John. Ryan." Stephanie greeted as they came to a halt. "Anything we can help you two with?"

"No." John stated. "Let's go, Ry."

Attempting to ignore the pain in her shoulders, Ryan kept her focus trained on Stephanie and Hunter. "There was something I actually needed to talk to you about...privately." She added when John hadn't bothered leaving.

"Step into our office." Hunter extended his hand towards the door.

John watched as Ryan went in ahead of them. Once Hunter had set foot inside, he shut door on him, leaving John to stand there in complete anger.

* * *

Together they stepped off the elevator and walked in the direction of their hotel room. A kind of thick silence fell between the two as they continued down the long hall, their luggage dragging against the carpet behind them.

"You're leaving tomorrow."

"Yep." Ryan answered. "It's better this way. I can get all of my things out of John's house while he's on the road."

"No warning at all?" Punk asked.

"What warning does he need?" She asked. "Breaking up is enough reason for him to know why I'm moving out."

"Where are you going to go afterwards?"

"I'm staying at AJ's place until I find something of my own." Ryan answered as they rounded the corner.

Punk nodded. "You plan on telling John anything? I'm sure he knows you've asked for your release by now."

"Everyone knows by now. I bumped into-"

Her voice trailed off as she stopped walking and shook her head. Talking to him earlier tonight wasn't enough? He had to wait for her by her room, looking as pissed off as ever.

Punk looked from Ryan to John and then back to Ryan. Raising his eyebrows, he just nodded his head and excused himself. He looked at Ryan, urging her to break the news to John.

"You asked for your release." John stated.

"I have my reasons why."

John shook his head in confusion. "Are you going to tell me why? Your actions don't seem to add up."

"I don't have to tell you anything anymore."

She started to move past him, only to have him pull her back. "Seriously, John, give it up. This is the second time tonight you've cornered me and demanded answers that I've already given you."

"I _deserve_ to know why you're leaving. We've been through enough together for you to owe me an answer."

"Just how you don't owe me marriage or a family, I don't owe you an answer." Ryan glared up at him. "We're broken up and I'm moving on with my life. Packing up my stuff and leaving is my way of moving on. I suggest you do the same thing, John."

"You're so god damn confusing!" His voice boomed through the hallway. "Earlier you were telling me that you love me and now you're telling me just to forget everything and move on! All this _before_ you tell me about wanting your release. I didn't even hear about it from you, I heard about it from Randy."

"I don't have to run things by you, John." Ryan sighed. "Please, before you start to resent me, just move on and don't look back."

"This isn't fair to me-to us and you know it!"

The door opened and Punk stepped out into the hall. He could hear them shouting and he couldn't take it anymore. Especially with the way that John was talking to her. Trying to ignore it and stomach it was becoming unbearable for him.

"Ryan, get inside and get to sleep. You have a long day tomorrow." He said, stepping aside to allow her to walk by. "I'll be inside in a minute."

When she was inside, Punk partially closed the door behind her. Turning his attention to John, he gestured for him to follow him a little ways down the hall.

"Are you her keeper now?"

"No, I'm her friend and as her friend I'm helping her." Punk leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. "She's having a difficult time right now and Ryan asking for her release is the best thing possible. She's stressed out enough as it is, John. Stop adding to her stress and quit acting like a psychotic ex-boyfriend."

John tilted his head to the side and looked at the tattooed man before him. Alarms were going off in his head, feeding off his paranoia that there was much more to Ryan breaking up with him than she had originally led on.

"Is she with you?" His blue eyes narrowed to slits, now running off his newfound suspicion. "I know you're the first person she ran to after she left me last night. Did she leave me for you?"

"Absolutely not." Punk laughed, pushing himself off the wall, his arms falling to his sides. "Like I said, she's a friend and she came to me for help. Nothing else. Stop acting crazy and leave her alone."

"Or what?"

He wanted to say he would cause her to possibly miscarry the baby, but he bit down on his tongue. It was Ryan's news to tell him, if she ever intended to. If not, he would find out once the news was found out by a source and leaked onto the internet.

"I'm not going to make any threats." The Chicago native shrugged. "For her sake, just leave her alone."

Before John could utter another word, Punk turned on his heel and headed back to his room. Letting himself inside, he closed the door behind him and rushed inside when he heard the sounds of her crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked, crawling in bed next to her. "Shh, stop crying."

"I hope it's not going to be like this the whole time." She cried, attempting to wipe away her tears. "I want him to be able to move on and forget about me. Eventually, I hope he'll just be able to look at me and just smile and continue on with his day. Him needing to know everything.." Her voice trailed off. "I can't handle it."

"Don't worry about him." Punk wrapped his arms around Ryan, pulling her to him, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. "Get through the move and finding a place of your own for the time being. Worry about him later on."

She said nothing as her crying subsided and her eyes slowly drifted shut.

"If you need anything, I'll be here." Punk whispered, knowing she had fallen asleep.

* * *

A/N: What do you think?


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